Senator Hillary Clinton had her issues. There is no question that over her decades of service to the United States and the globe, there were some downright shady practices that could have easily propelled a more polished republican political candidate into the White House but this article is not about Hillary. This article is about the values of fatherhood or lack thereof that I have witnessed from Donald Trump. Regardless of his actual policies, there are just certain values that every father I know stresses and I see none of them being exuded by Mr. Trump and therefore I could have never voted for him. The following are the top 7 values that every father hopes their children exude that Donald Trump simply does not, pre and post election.
1. Be Honest
As a father of 2 girls and a boy ranging in age from 2-10, my wife and I are engaged in constant conversations with them about the importance of telling the truth and having integrity. There is an African proverb that says when you tell the truth you don’t need a good memory. Throughout his 70-year history, Donald Trump has proven to be an individual who will say whatever it takes to anyone to get what he wants and denies what he says when confronted, even if video or audio recording proves his prior comments. During this election, he has flip-flopped on so many issues that I could never know whether he is telling the truth. We teach our kids that if people cannot believe you, they cannot trust you so always tell the truth regardless of the consequences.
2. Don’t call other people names
Every father I know teaches their children to have respect for others. We tell them to not call people out of their names. Donald Trump is quick to refer to anyone with whom he disagrees as ugly, disgusting, fat pig, Ms. Piggy, Ms. Housekeeping, horrible liar, and much worse. We teach our children that everyone was given a name and that name should always be honored. As a child who was often called names like “African bush boogie” and “African booty scratcher” and worse, I grew up knowing exactly how it feels to be minimalized by being called out of my name. I would never let my children call people out of their names and have it go unchecked and I would also remind them of how low they felt when someone else called them out of their names, which has already happened far too often for their young ages.
3: Don’t make fun of people
There have been many actions throughout Trump’s campaign that I have deemed to be extremely ignorant and disrespectful. At the top of the list is his mocking of a reporter with a disability. We teach our children that you do not make fun of people who may appear to be disadvantaged physically, economically, etc. we ask them how they would feel if someone who appeared to be in a better position or status than them mocked them in some way, shape, or form. Kendra & I teach them that if they don’t have anything good to say about someone, do not say anything at all. We teach them to help build up others, not tear them down. We teach them to be upstanders when they see others being picked on and not bystanders like we have seen by so many Trump supporters at his rallies.
4. Put up or shut up
Donald Trump claims that he is a successful billionaire and vows to be a very patriotic individual who will make America great again but he has refused to provide his tax returns to the public to prove that he is indeed a billionaire or for that matter, a patriot. We do not know what foreign entities he owes money to. Furthermore, Trump has a history of engaging in practices that have not put America first from the hiring of illegal immigrants (which he has been fined for) to cozying up with a Russian dictator in Vladimir Putin whose values are diametrically opposed to those of the United States. We teach our kids to not talk about it but to be about it. We teach them that actions speak louder than words so they should not go out bragging about things that are not true or that they cannot prove.
5. Don’t blame others for your shortcomings
We teach our children that no one cares about their excuses, only their results. We tell them to not blame other people for the things they do not accomplish in life. We teach them that regardless of the resources they may not have, they can achieve anything they want if they work hard enough. If they are not successful, we teach them to take responsibility for their failings. Donald Trump blames everyone else for his shortcomings. Any time he seemed like he was in danger of losing a primary state election, he went into a tirade about how the system is rigged and blamed in advance the entire American political system for any possible electoral failures if he lost. We teach our children that part of being a leader is taking responsibility for your actions and remembering that as cliché as it sounds, when you point your finger at others, there are three fingers pointing back at you.
6. Believe people when they show you who they are
We teach our children that a leopard never changes its spots (although my daughter’s response was “Sure it can. It just finds a new spot” as in a place to live). Dr. Maya Angelou said that when people show you who they are believe them. Kendra and I think this is important as they get older and possibly start dating or just in general with their friends and colleagues. We teach them for example, that if someone can hit you they can kill you. We teach them that if people call you negative names, they don’t love you. Donald Trump has shown that he is a racially ignorant, sexist, philandering, islamophobic wanna-be-demagogue who speaks in pedophiliac terms about his own daughter. He cannot be believed when he says he will respect the blue-collar worker because he never has. His continual belief that the Central Park 5 are guilty shows he cannot stomach the idea of being wrong and his history of misogyny proves that we will never demonstrate a healthy respect for women. This is who he has proven himself to be in 70 years. He will never change his spots, even if he does indeed find a new spot.
7. Facts matter
I know we live in an anti-intellectual climate where the average American reads one book a year after completing school and we look at professional wrestling and reality shows as real but the professor in me still believes that facts will one day matter again, maybe after this election. Donald Trump is quick to say “A lot of people I talk to are saying…” or “A lot of people saw Muslims in America celebrating 911” or “A lot of people are asking for Obama’s birth certificate”, etc. without pointing to any facts. We teach our children that they need to back up their accusations with facts. With my American University students, I tell them that they can’t just make generalized statements and expect to pass my course or anyone’s course for that matter. As Joe Madison says, facts to many people today are like kryptonite to Superman. We teach our children to arm themselves with facts and most people will run away from them when they shoot out any word of truth.
At the end of the day, Donald Trump is 70-year old boy and he is proud of it, given his acknowledgment that he is the same person he was since he was 8 years old. I personally found that disrespectful to the thousands of compassionate, honest, and service-oriented 8 year olds I have met around the world but that is a story for another day. He proudly touted his comments of assaulting women as locker room banter though no father I know speaks like that. His wife Melania says raising him is like having two teenage sons and many of us found it amusing. There is nothing funny to me about a man who violates the basic tenets of fatherhood in his quest to become Kin…President of the United States. We know that all of our kids our watching. We need to ensure that they do not pick up on his foolishness and try to emulate it for it will be a recipe for disaster in their personal and professional lives.